If Christmas fills you with dread rather than excitement, you won’t be alone, although it might feel that way.
It may be that at every other time of the year you are confident, happy and have plenty of friends and loved ones with whom to spend time, but once it gets to December 25th, it’s different.
Perhaps you are part of a couple who argue about whose family to spend time with, or maybe you feel duty bound to visit relatives you don’t much like or who don’t appear to care much for you!
Maybe you are mourning a relationship or a person no longer in your life. This may be someone who has died, someone suffering from dementia, or a relationship which has ended. Being bereaved (or bereft) can feel at odds with the excitement and frivolity of the festive season. It can leave you feeling left out, not wanting to join in Christmas (or pre-Christmas) celebrations or feeling guilty about enjoying yourself for a short while. If you are lonely, you may envy the seemingly perfect lives of others.
As a therapist I can attest however, that things are not always as they seem!
Christmas can be a time when the cracks in relationships become painfully obvious or old family conflicts play out. These troubling dynamics are often repeated year after year meaning that just thinking about Christmas (or seeing Christmas goods in the shops) can cause anxiety ahead of the event.
Even if you enjoy the prep and festivities (and are surrounded by people you hold dear), Christmas can be emotionally, as well as physically, exhausting. Too often there is self-imposed pressure to make everyone’s Christmas wonderful and to ensure that each person, young and old, has their ideal day. This is unrealistic and is guaranteed to set you up for frustration and stress. It’s impossible to please all the people all the time, to find perfect gifts, cook perfect meals, and to always be on top form, so please don’t try! Too often people believe that they are responsible for everyone’s experience, that they mustn’t let anyone down, but what about you? Who is looking after you and making sure you’re having a good time and not overdoing it?
Realistically, not everyone will have a Christmas filled with love and laughter, surrounded by people who are easy to please or be around.
So, if that’s not your reality, don’t try to make it something it will never be. If you don’t fancy Christmas alone, you could volunteer somewhere; charities often need extra help at Christmas, and you’ll get a warm glow from helping others. Or you could stock up on your favourite grub and hunker down for some TV binge viewing, spend the day in bed with a good book, or go for a walk in a beauty spot.
Tradition is only tradition through repetition, you don’t have to do what you’ve always done.
Why not put yourself and your mental health first this year and take the low stress option, whatever that looks like. You may be surprised at how many people express envy at your Christmas plans!
Next steps
If this sounds good in theory, but hard to imagine doing, book a free phone consultation to find out how I could help.
