…why am I unhappy when my life is good?
Your life looks good on paper.
You have the relationship, the career, the home, the family.
So why do you keep wondering:
“Is this it?”
This is an issue that many clients have sought my help with over the years. They’re typically (but not always) a professional woman, with a good job or their own business, a committed partner and children.
This woman has thought about therapy or coaching for some time before finally reaching out. She insists everything is fine and lists all the things that are great about her life.
Compared to some of her close friends who are in an emotionally disconnected relationship, have jobs where they’re unappreciated, or are struggling with anxiety or poor health, she is lucky, she says.
I smile and wait.
No-one considers therapy if everything in their life is perfect.
Feeling empty despite having everything
Gradually, this woman loses touch with herself.
Friends and loved ones notice she’s quieter than usual, less spontaneous, drinking more or always tired.
She may have a kind, dependable, and loving partner, but perhaps the spark has faded. She doesn’t want to break up; she just wants more.
But she doesn’t know what the ‘more’ is.
Is it a career change?
Returning to study?
Moving to the countryside?
Or back to the city?
She has everything she wanted years ago, and wanting more now feels greedy, ungrateful, entitled.
But let’s be clear about one thing…
Wanting more does not equate to being ungrateful for what you have.
Many women were raised with messages about endurance, sacrifice, and not “making a fuss”
Many women absorbed direct or subtle messages from parents, teachers and wider society about endurance, sacrifice, and not “making a fuss”.
Even when life felt emotionally unfulfilling, they learned to tolerate discomfort rather than question it. They accepted what they saw and were told about how to behave and what was expected without question, especially when younger.
Some rebelled, but many did not.
Mercifully, times have changed and women have more freedom and autonomy now, but in many families unhelpful generational messaging continues, albeit in a diluted or less obvious form than previously.
There is no ‘right’ way to live your life. You owe it to yourself to pursue your bliss.
The turning point
When clients come to see me with issues such as these, they may feel perplexed, bewildered, sad.
They often want me to resolve the problem without exploring any underlying issues that may have been sidelined or brushed under the carpet at some point.
Some have a sense of the cause of their dissatisfaction. Others have become so disconnected from themselves that they have no inkling of the source, or it is so far back that they don’t make the connection.
Some clients have been taught by their mothers to push down their emotions and to just ‘get on with it’. Then something happens to trigger an emotional unravelling and sadly, they don’t have the resources to work through it or process it without support.
This is where therapy, and hypnotherapy in particular, can be so useful.
I combine talking therapy, tapping, hypnosis, and other rapid change techniques tailored to each client’s needs.
My integrated therapy sessions can provide insights even when the root-cause isn’t obvious.
I can’t magic away something that needs addressing, but I could help you to see things from a different perspective, which then presents a variety of options.
I can’t make you love someone you don’t, although I could help with how you relate or communicate.
I can’t promise an epiphany, but some clients do experience this after a session of hypnosis with me.
But I can help you gain the clarity and confidence you need to decide on the next steps.
Reality check and limiting beliefs
We know that no-one loves their life all the time, but many women are held back by beliefs around what they deserve.
As they age, many women stop dreaming big. They believe (without consciously deciding) that there’s a cut-off point for wanting more. And by ‘more’ I’m not referring to material things.
Whether you made wise choices in the past or foolish ones, decisions you regret, or ones you celebrate, it’s okay to want something different now.
You are allowed to pursue a fulfilling life, whether you’re 26 or 66.
You have the right to change your mind, whether that be about a university course, a career, a relationship, where you live, or anything else.
It’s never too late (or too early) to seek a happier, more fulfilling life.
“Because I want to…” is enough
When ‘I’m fine’ is starting to sound (and feel) dishonest or unconvincing, try to recall what it felt like when things were really flying for you.
Remember a time when life was really good and you were excited and optimistic about pretty much everything.
Then give yourself this gift of therapy. I can help you reconnect with yourself.
We can explore what you genuinely want, without guilt, shame, or judgement.
You are allowed to want a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside and you don’t need to justify investing in yourself.
Does this resonate with you?
If this article resonates with you, I offer:
- One-to-one therapy sessions
- Intensive therapy retreats
- A confidential consultation to explore whether we’re a good fit
Book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.
