I recently celebrated my birthday.
There’s something about being two thirds of the way through my life (if I’m lucky enough to become a centenarian) that focuses the mind.
I occasionally look back on my earlier life and feel sad for the younger me who lacked confidence and constantly doubted her ability. As I grew from a child to a teen, to a young adult, I believed incontrovertibly that I wasn’t ‘enough’.
Not smart enough, not qualified enough, not good enough.
Not ‘enough’ and ‘too much’ all at the same time!
The reasons for my self-doubt were textbook, and I sometimes made poor (and downright dreadful) choices as a result.
Thankfully, I took some very good decisions too and developed a rebellious streak. When teachers or family members suggested that I couldn’t do something, my ‘I’ll show you’ mentality kicked in.
Later, I took decisions that others considered brave (or reckless, depending on your aversity to risk).
In hindsight, some of my achievements were noteworthy, but if I got praise or recognition from others, I don’t remember it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. I did however remember the criticisms.
I was too loud, too maverick, too direct. Too ‘me’!
Going it alone (making it easier for myself and harder!)
At 28 I started my first business with enthusiasm, energy, and lots of ideas, but no business plan.
Accounts and admin were ‘not my thing’ and still aren’t. Back then I hadn’t heard of neurodivergence or ADHD, and neither had anyone I knew.
Did I make a lot of money in my first venture? No. But, I did ok and I loved the 6 years that I ran that creative enterprise.
The absence of rigid routines meant I was never bored, and the variety of tasks kept me motivated and engaged…
I won’t talk about the admin fails! It was stressful, blimey was it stressful, but I don’t regret any of it and look back on that venture with great fondness.
And prior to launching I was probably heading for the sack. My job (in fashion management) no longer ‘lit me up’ and it showed.
Plus, my inability to ‘keep it zipped’ wasn’t a welcome trait.
Change can be a gift (even if it’s changing your mind)
Since then, I have retrained for a new career twice; the first time in holistic therapies, then talking therapy, hypnotherapy, and coaching.
Oh, and I ‘accidentally’ became a beauty therapist for a few years… I might share more of that in another blog!
I’ve run several businesses, including setting up and running a therapy centre and hypnotherapy training school in London.
I enjoy working for myself. Yes, I need a VA and other professionals to do the admin, tech, and boring stuff, but that’s ok. I believe in doing what you’re good at and delegating everything else.
Life is too short for doing stuff you hate or are no good at. Let someone else shine!
My ‘terrible gift’
I’ve worked with many clients over the years who judge themselves harshly based on where they think they ‘should’ be or by comparing themselves to friends, siblings, schoolfriends, etc.
In my teens, twenties, and early thirties, I did just that. Then, I endured a truly terrible, life-changing period of my life.
I choose to describe it as ‘my terrible gift.’ It was without question, the worst time in my life and I had to rebuild my life from scratch.
But it was a turning point.
I concentrated on what I could do, not what I couldn’t. I drew on all my skills and resourcefulness and didn’t focus on any shortcomings.
I focused on moving forward, not looking back.
You’re never too old (or young) to learn new patterns
When I reflect on my life and its challenges (some of them sizeable), I know that I have earned the right to be proud.
Comparisonitis (as I call it) robs those who indulge in it, of the joy or satisfaction they might otherwise experience. It is a terrible waste of energy and serves no purpose.
None of us are born with lack of confidence or low self-esteem, it is something that happens over time, often due to other people’s words, actions or neglect.
Thankfully, it is possible to ‘unlearn’ it. You can begin to recognise ‘the critical inner voice’ for what it is as soon as it pipes up. You can learn to acknowledge it, then ignore it.
It might sound easier said than done, but I promise you, you can do it. And I can teach you how.
And now…
I’ve been a therapist for over three decades and business owner for four, and I fully trust my instinct and experience.
I’ve practised what I preach and have had therapy when I needed it.
I now have no doubt that I am ‘enough’. I have been described as ‘the ‘non-therapisty’ therapist’ and whilst I’m not a lover of labels, I am happy to accept that one.
Does this resonate with you?
If this article resonates with you, I offer:
- One-to-one therapy sessions
- Intensive therapy retreats
- A confidential consultation to explore whether we’re a good fit
Book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.
