It is commonly said that ‘We are the product of our life experiences’, and this is true.

Naturally, genetics play a role in our development, but we are fundamentally shaped by the lived experience of our early years.

Throughout our life we collect and store memories at a conscious and unconscious level and these memories shape how we feel about ourselves. Through repetition, our minds become conditioned to thinking and feeling in a certain way which becomes our default position.

Understandably, our inner state is reflected in our ‘outer’ self. Whether we are confident and grounded with a strong sense of self, or fearful and insecure, will principally be governed by our upbringing and childhood experiences.

Lack of confidence, self-imposed limitations and self-esteem issues are predominantly a consequence of how we were raised and what we experienced and witnessed along the way.

If we navigated childhood and teenage years relatively smoothly and experienced love, guidance and support from our parents or caregivers, we may be deemed to have had a ‘functional’ childhood.

If we experienced emotional neglect (our physical needs were met, but not our emotional ones) or we were deprived of praise or encouragement, we may lack confidence as an adult.

If we were routinely criticised, disparaged, or abused we will certainly suffer a range of psychological consequences.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (or ACE’s) affect how an individual navigates life and its trials.

ACE’s result in insecurity, feelings of low self-worth or a sense of being unlovable. The more ACE’s that a child experiences, the more likely they are to be psychologically wounded.

This often manifests in insecurity and a need for continual reassurance from friends or partners. The ability to sustain healthy, functional relationships with partners is likely to be reduced too.

If the childhood home was volatile (with violence, addiction or repeated arguments, for instance) they may (unconsciously) seek out chaotic relationships. This is because it’s familiar; it’s an uncomfortable, comfort zone.

For those growing up in a turbulent setting, a calm home or steady relationship can feel boring. These folk may reject or jeopardise stable relationships for the excitement of an unsuitable or unreliable connection.

It’s important to say that no matter how damaging it is, a dysfunctional upbringing isn’t necessarily abusive, and emotional neglect may not be deliberate.

Harm can occur without malice or intention, rather through the poor judgement of the caregiver, their physical or mental health or their own upbringing.

Parents who have experienced inadequate parenting themselves won’t have learned the skills to do the best job of raising children and will often treat their child as they were treated. Sadly, this pattern can continue for generations and recognising the deficiencies in their childhood experience is not enough to break that pattern.

When an individual seeks professional help to address their own issues, there is a prospect of change in their internal landscape, which can lead to a shift in their attitude and actions.

It’s also essential to consider that a child can sometimes misinterpret the behaviour of parents or caregivers and can blame themselves for situations for which they bear no responsibility, such as relationship breakdown or divorce.

Situations involving adults can be complex and confusing and the child may make flawed causal connections which they accept as true. These beliefs can remain embedded within them, unchallenged throughout their life. Children lack the life experience to give context to troubling situations of which they have no understanding.

Example Case 1:

Mandy (not her real name) grew up with her mother, younger sister ‘Sharon’ and stepfather ‘Frank’.

Frank was a heavy drinker, who relied for cash on criminal activities. Mandy’s mother did ‘a bit of this and a bit of that’ which included sex work. Drugs were bought and sold in the home. The house was always a mess, and the girls had to look after themselves. They went to school without breakfast or suitable clothing or footwear. Violence between Frank and his wife was common, and Mandy was frequently beaten by her mother and sexually abused by her stepfather. Mandy married young and never wanted children.

When I met her, Mandy explained that she’d been obsessive about housework since she left home and felt the need to redecorate on a near annual basis. She understood that her compulsive cleaning stemmed from living in squalor as a child but didn’t recognise her need for control. Mandy didn’t mind other people’s homes looking ‘lived in’ (indeed she preferred that as she said she was more relaxed when she didn’t feel the need to polish a tap whenever she passed it or pour bleach down the loo after every flush).

Despite being diagnosed with OCD by her GP many years earlier during a particularly stressful period, Mandy had never considered therapy until her mother became terminally ill. With her stepfather dead and her sister disabled, the only person able to care for her mother was Mandy. She accepted this responsibility and spent hours each day taking care of the woman who had abused and neglected her. Mandy slept poorly and skipped meals; she lost a lot of weight. After the funeral, Mandy admitted she needed help to process the trauma she had experienced from a young age.

Example case 2:

Sarah (not her real name), a mother of two told me during our meeting, that her oldest daughter wasn’t ‘the sharpest tool in the box’ and gave an example of something ‘dumb’ that her 20-year-old daughter had said.

Whilst the ‘thing’ that ‘Caroline’ didn’t know was something that one might expect to be taught in science at junior school, for some reason, Caroline had not learned this. And to be fair, it wasn’t something most people would wake up one morning ‘just knowing’.

‘Sarah’ went on to explain that Caroline had stated that she wanted to enrol at college to train for a better job, but that she had tried to dissuade her, telling her she would find it too difficult.

I did my best to stop my eyebrows raising.

I knew that Sarah loved her daughter so asked why she had tried to put Caroline off from pursuing her dream career. “It’s a tough world out there” she said, “I don’t want her to be disappointed.”.

A conversation ensued where we discussed the pros and cons of her daughter giving the course her best shot and discovering for herself whether she could gain the required qualification.

“But that’s how my mum was with me”, Sarah said.

I paused for a while.

Comprehension spread slowly across Sarah’s face. You might not be surprised that Sarah was consulting me because she was struggling with her lack of assertiveness in the workplace and being taken advantage of pay and hours-wise, by her employer. A year later Caroline booked to see me for help to improve her confidence.

What is Inner Child Healing and why is Inner Child Healing good for low-self-esteem?

The concept that underpins this powerful therapy is that no matter what age we are now, we all have a ‘child’ within us.

Whether our inner child’s experience was generally positive or negative will be reflected in our behaviour and responses as an adult; how our ‘child’ feels at any moment is mirrored in our grown-up self.

If our ‘inner child’ feels good and positive, then consequently so does the adult. If our ‘inner child’ feels sad or lacks self-esteem, so too does our adult self.

Our behaviour and responses are driven by early memories and the experiences of ‘our inner child’.

Upsetting emotions can be triggered by environments or situations that appear similar to previous upsetting or traumatic events which is why we are sometimes surprised by our reactions to certain situations or the reactions of others.

A child who experienced routine criticism from parents or caregivers will take that criticism with them into adulthood where it will operate as a critical inner voice.

Healing the inner child through bonding with them, listening to them and offering them what they need is paramount.

The love and support that may have been missing in their early years can be directed towards their inner child through this guided process. Maladapted beliefs rooted in the past can be released to allow for a new, more positive narrative. They can learn to treat themselves with kindness, love and compassion. As the journey of rebuilding a healthy relationship with themselves continues they will notice improved self-esteem and less critical ‘head chatter’. This can lead to shifts within the individual and changes to how they how they function in the world.

Inner Child Healing won’t remove traumatic memories, but it can change how we view them.

It’s a beautifully gentle process which allows us to release the effects of past trauma and any associated negative beliefs we may hold about ourselves. It has been said that “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” and that’s because Inner Child work can have a profound effect on how we feel when we think about ourselves, our past, and our future.

Hypnotherapy and Inner Child Healing are effective methods of processing ACE’s and the wounds of a dysfunctional childhood, and I have used them often with clients for whom a traditional long-term counselling or psychotherapy approach feels daunting. If you hate the idea of unpicking every childhood scenario, my solution-directed approach may appeal to you.

Do you struggle with any of the issues described in this article or recognise that you have unhealthy coping strategies that may be due to unresolved issues from the past?

If you would like to find out ways that I can support you then please book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions and also 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire that consist of daily, extended one-to-one therapy sessions. Intensive therapy is powerful work for people who want to go ‘all in’ and get results in days, rather than weeks or months. During this time, you’ll be my only client so will receive my undivided attention.

The post The Benefits of Inner Child Healing appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Some have shared decades of my life’s journey; some are newer arrivals. Others I have connected with for a short time as they passed through my life on their way to someplace else. All have left their mark on me; sharing wisdom, kindness, and encouragement.

What each of us have had in common is that we’ve been inspired by other amazing women. That may have been a teacher, a sporting star, a coach, a writer, a political figure, or a wonderful woman around the corner who did incredible things in her community, was valued enormously by those she supported, but was largely unrecognised.

To mark IWD 2026, I decided to catch up with a few women I admire, to learn which women have most inspired them and why. I asked them to choose two heroines; one who is alive and one historical figure. Here’s what they had to say:

Emma Goode – Founder of 24 Fingers digital marketing consultancy

For me, a heroine is someone who changes what’s possible for the rest of us.

Alive today – Emma Jones

One woman who inspires me today is Emma Jones, now the UK’s Small Business Commissioner. Long before her government role, she created Enterprise Nation, a platform that has supported thousands of founders with education, community and practical guidance. What I admire most is her consistent focus on access. She understands that small businesses are not a side story to the economy – they are the backbone of it. In stepping into public service, she’s taken that advocacy one step further, ensuring smaller firms have a voice at the highest levels. As someone who works closely with entrepreneurs, I’ve seen how powerful that representation can be.

My historical figure – Hedy Lamarr

My historical heroine is Hedy Lamarr. Most people know her as a 1940s Hollywood film star, but she also co-invented frequency-hopping technology during the Second World War – a system originally designed to prevent radio signals being jammed. That invention later became foundational to the wireless communication we rely on today, including WiFi and Bluetooth.

I run my business internationally. I work from airports, cafés and co-working spaces. I collaborate across borders in real time. All of that depends on invisible infrastructure that most of us take for granted. The fact I cannot function without Wi-Fi is, in part, thanks to a woman the world initially saw only as glamorous.

What I love about Hedy Lamarr is the reminder that women contain multitudes. We can be creative and technical. Visible and strategic. Commercial and curious. Her legacy proves that impact is not always loud – sometimes it is embedded in the systems that power everyday life.

Both women, in very different eras, have expanded opportunity – one through business advocacy, the other through invention. Both have helped shape the connected world I’m fortunate enough to work within today.

About Emma

Emma Goode is the founder of 24 fingers, helping business owners who feel all fingers and thumbs with their marketing to build confidence, visibility and sustainable growth. With over 35 years’ experience in digital marketing, she works with founders across the globe, delivering strategic support in content, SEO and lead generation.

A Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts and voted the UK’s Top Digital Marketing Adviser by Enterprise Nation, Emma believes digital marketing should feel understandable, manageable and effective.

Helen Reynolds – Personal Style Consultant

My historical figure – Victoria Wood (deceased but not really historical!)

I have always admired Victoria Wood for her brilliance, warmth and unmistakable sense of self. As a young woman, I shared such special times with my mum watching her, laughing until we cried.

Later, as I became interested in style, I realised how much I admired the way she dressed. Victoria never conformed to beauty standards; she simply expressed who she was. She trusted herself to be enough. In my work as a personal stylist, I aim to help women find that same confidence — dressing not to fit in, but to reflect who they truly are.

Alive today – Ashley James

I admire Ashley James for the way she challenges beauty standards from within them. By society’s definition she is beautiful, yet she openly shares her insecurities. When she posted her previously unshared photos on Instagram, highlighting the parts of her body she once felt she shouldn’t show, she exposed how harshly she had judged herself. Something women do all the time. That honesty was powerful. She shows that beauty and vulnerability coexist. In my work, this feels important. True style isn’t about perfection. It’s about acceptance, compassion and allowing yourself to be seen as you are.

About Helen

Helen works with women who love life, seizing opportunities and thinking big. She helps them to bring their wardrobe in line with their outlook so their outfits represent how they feel inside. Having spent many years working in glossy magazines and feeling her style wasn’t good enough, she discovered her true style 17 years ago and it was life-changing! She believes she has the best career in the world and loves spreading joy, confidence and ease to fabulous women who want to step out of the shadows and lead a bigger, braver life where they can shine brightly!

Phyllis Woodfine – Osteopath, Coach and Mentor

My first heroine – Althea Gibson

My first inspiration is Althea Gibson (1927-2003) maybe not seen as an historical figure, but I would say an important one to me.

I wrote my GCSE essay on her in the 1970s as the first Black person to compete at Wimbledon. She won both the singles, and doubles tournaments 1957 and 1958, just two of the 11 Grand Slam titles she won. As a teenager I competed in many sports and Althea’s tenacity and bravery truly inspired me. She had to battle against segregation and overt prejudice; she did not let it stop her.

My second heroine – Maya Angelou

My second inspiration (cheating again as she is no longer with us) is Maya Angelou (1928- 2014) – an incredible woman who again survived and rose above many obstacles, racism as well as prejudice. She went on to become a great writer as well as an incredible orator. I had the privilege of seeing her twice in the 1980s. She was a joy to listen to; her presence was magical. The way she commanded a stage is something I can only aspire to.

I continue to think of Maya and Althea, the struggles they overcame knowing that, whilst I, as a woman and even more so as a Black woman face many obstacles still in the 21st Century, the way has been paved by these incredible women. If they could do that then I have no real excuse not to continue and hopefully pave the way for others!

About Phyllis

Phyllis is an Osteopath, Coach, Mentor and Supervisor with over 40 years’ experience in health and wellbeing. Training originally as a building surveyor and working in local government, she later retrained to become an Osteopath and lecturer. She has a multi-disciplinary approach and integrates neuroscience, ACT, NLP, movement, and mind-body principles to support authentic change for others both personally and professionally. Phyllis has worked with NHS Trusts, corporate teams, and coaching organisations, giving keynote speeches and running workshops whilst continuing to work with coaches, clients and patients.

Sheren Gaulbert – Pain Therapist and Educator

I’ve been influenced by many incredible women but I’m focusing on two unconnected to the therapy or clinical world. Both were important in my early life, shaping the unconscious foundation of my values and reflecting what matters most to me.

My historical figure – Indira Ghandi

Indira Gandhi was India’s first, and so far only, female prime minister. A strong and firm communicator, she was a leader on the global stage before the world was accustomed to women in power. She was already serving her first term when I was born and started her second when I was five. Her statement, “I believe in women being able to do everything” was very powerful. Keen to understand her fellow humans, and their perspectives, whatever their position in society, she declared, “The power to question is the basis of all human progress.“

Alive today – Helen Sharman

My living heroine was also a pioneer. In May 1991, Helen Sharman, a 27-year-old chemist, became the first Briton in space. She’d heard a radio advert two years previously, calling for applications to become an astronaut, no experience necessary. Her focus and dedication meant she beat almost 13,000 other applicants to take her position for the 7-day mission to the Mir Space Station. She believes that democracy must involve public debates on science and, on her return, Sharman started in her role communicating science to the wider public, which she continues to this day, as well as working at Imperial College and being President of the Institute of Science and Technology.

Both women were great communicators, dedicated, focused, believers in democracy with curiosity in other people’s perspectives – all qualities that prove useful in my career now.

About Sheren

Sheren Gaulbert is a Clinical Educator and Specialist Pain Therapist whose breakthrough from chronic pain led her to help people reclaim their lives and to ensure clinicians provide informed, evidence-based care. Her tailored 1-2-1 programs integrate psychological, somatic, trauma-release, mind-body approaches (including EMDR), and cognitive hypnotherapy, helping people more comfortably do the things that bring them joy. Sheren coaches multidisciplinary clinicians in ethical, pain science–based, trauma-informed collaborative care, therapeutic language, and addressing burnout, imposter syndrome, and other clinical challenges. She is a Trustee of the Vulval Pain Society and a seasoned speaker.

Claire Winter – Coach and Co-Founder of Winter Audio

I’m hoping for a time when we don’t need an International Women’s Day to celebrate women. I think women should be celebrated every day, but I am more than happy to share two women who have greatly inspired me.

My historical figure – Emmeline Pankhurst

My historical figure is Emmeline Pankhurst; for me, she represents freedom and democracy. She fought for women’s right to vote at a time when women had very little political power. Through protests and activism, she challenged unfair laws and helped change society so women could have a voice in decisions that affected their lives. Her work shows how determination and courage can lead to greater equality and democratic rights.

Alive today – Julia Cameron

The other woman I have chosen is Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way. She offers a different way of looking at creativity by encouraging people to explore self-expression, confidence and personal growth. Her ideas suggest that creativity is not just for artists but for everyone, and that developing creativity can help people understand themselves better, something I believe too.

Both women inspire change, but in different ways. Emmeline Pankhurst focused on changing society and political rights, while Julia Cameron focuses on changing how individuals think and create. Together, they show that striving for democratic and creative freedom is important, two things I am equally passionate about.

About Claire

Claire Winter is an ICF-accredited coach, shamanic practitioner and award-winning podcaster passionate about nature, creativity and storytelling. A former journalist and magazine editor, she now helps purpose-led entrepreneurs share their stories and wisdom through authentic storytelling. Claire is the co-founder of a podcast agency, Winter Audio, a columnist for Female CEO magazine, and host of the Creatrix Journey podcast. She believes in the healing power of walking and spends her free time outdoors walking and wild swimming with family, friends and her dog, Leo. You can find out more here.

And my two heroines?

I’m celebrating two incredible women whose brave decisions really made an impact on society during their lifetime.

My historical figure – Rosa Parks

The first is Rosa Parks, the civil rights activist (often described as ‘The mother of the civil rights movement’) who, in 1955, famously refused to give up her seat on an Alabama bus to a white passenger. Whilst she wasn’t the first to do this, she was possibly the most notable, having been an active participant in the anti-segregation and civil rights movement from a young age.

Alive today – Gisele Pelicot

My second heroine is Gisele Pelicot, the French woman who was repeatedly drugged and raped by her husband, and, at his invitation, dozens of other men over many years. At the trial of these men in 2024 she waived her right to anonymity, proclaiming ‘The shame is theirs’. She has become a global feminist figurehead, admired for her courage in the pursuit of justice. She has recently written a book called in English, ‘A Hymn to Life: Shame Has to Change Sides’.

The post Who’s your Heroine? appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

I’d been worrying about something… yes, therapists cogitate on things too!

I realised within a few moments of stirring that I’d been clenching my jaw. Happily, it’s not something I experience often, but I have had episodes of jaw clenching in the past. For a while last summer (when I was totally stressed-out over my builder’s behaviour, and to be frank, the quality of his work) I was grinding my teeth, not just clenching my jaw.

Often the first to identify what is typically a night-time activity is the dentist and my dentist certainly noticed the damage I’d done to my teeth by my nocturnal gnashing.

It’s hard to stop an activity that occurs most frequently during sleep, and so is out of one’s conscious control.

What these two occasions had in common was not just that I was stressed, but that I needed to address or deal with something.

I was constantly turning over in my mind what I could or should say or do.

In my experience as a therapist, I’ve observed that bruxism is often experienced by individuals who aren’t speaking up about something when they would benefit from doing so.

Usually, clients who want help for bruxism are unaware that the thing they are ignoring or putting up with may be the cause or trigger for the painful bruxing. I mean, it all sounds a bit woo-woo, right?

My travels around St Helier (the hospital, not the delightful capital of Jersey)

There was a time years ago when my throat felt tight and talking felt strained. As a therapist and hypnotherapy trainer the ability to talk comfortably and project was pretty important. 

My GP at the time thought I had an infection and prescribed antibiotics; they didn’t work. My vocal struggles continued and my GP initiated a 2-week referral.

Over the next few weeks and months, I was seen and scanned by numerous specialists, but no test yielded a diagnosis. It was a scary time. 

Finally, I was sent to Voice Therapy where I was seen by a lovely woman who, by chance, was an NLP practitioner.

After a chat, she quickly diagnosed gastric reflux and spasmed vocal cords caused by emotional factors. Her words were, ‘I think you’re upset by your friend moving away’. And she was right.

One of my two best friends was leaving the area, and I knew I wouldn’t see her often. It made me sad and upset, but I’d not vocalised it. I hadn’t told her how I felt, nor did I share my distress with anyone else, I just accepted it, and ‘kept it zipped’.

Many of us are taught to remain composed, to suppress, or swallow our feelings.

We put a brave face on it and ‘push on through’ and tell everyone we’re fine.

In my experience (personal, and professional) there’s always a price to pay for pushing stuff down or ignoring it. I became fascinated by psychosomatic conditions, especially those that affected the voice.

Many of my clients with such conditions (e.g. Bruxism and Globus Pharyngeus) have found a reduction in their uncomfortable symptoms through talking therapy and hypnosis.

They also benefitted greatly from learning how to become more assertive. For those who have been taught to keep schtum, the word ‘assertive’ is interpreted as aggressive or confrontational, but assertiveness is simply clear, confident, communication.

When clients get comfortable with communicating assertively, they feel much better and enjoy a new level of calmness and sense of control.

I can’t promise that you’ll stop clenching your jaw or grinding your teeth by working with me, but many people do.

If you want to find out more about hypnotherapy for bruxism or therapy to improve assertiveness, please book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions, and 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

The post Bruxism and the cost of keeping it zipped appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Many people experience a dip in their energy or mood at this time of year. Some attribute this to the shorter days and winter weather, the impact of seasonal spending on their finances, or disappointments experienced over Christmas… and I don’t mean rubbish gifts. Time off over Christmas and New Year can bring home to people what they perceive is missing in their life.

It’s not always easy to find the motivation to do something new or different when you’re feeling flat.

It’s much simpler to go through the motions and wait for things to improve, but the uncomfortable truth is that if you do nothing, nothing will change.

Yes, you can live with feeling ‘meh’ and wait for Spring, but that’s not much fun, is it?

So how can you recover your enthusiasm when your va-va-voom has left the room?

A good first step is to make time for things that will bring you pleasure, comfort, or joy. Do things that will lift you, soothe you, or re-focus your attention. This could be walking in nature, rekindling an old hobby, or signing up for a class to learn something new or meet new people. Creative activities like baking, sewing, or craftwork are absorbing and will give you respite from negative thoughts.

Remembering a time when you had bags of ‘get up & go’ or felt at the top of your game can help you to recover those good feelings.

Try it now.

Close your eyes for a moment and take yourself back to a time when you felt great.

Experience it as if you’re there, looking through your own eyes, rather than watching yourself in a movie.

See what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt at that time.

Stay absorbed in that moment and enjoy the feelings that arise from it.

Notice how your mood and sense of wellbeing shifts in just a few moments.

I’m also a big fan of EFT Tapping.

It’s a very effective technique for interrupting anxious thought patterns or diminishing unhelpful beliefs. The good news is, it’s simple to learn and easy to implement and people with a wide range of issues, find it beneficial. I teach it to all my clients as it can be a brilliant self-help tool.

If you’d like to find out a bit more about the process I teach, you can watch my demonstration video in my No-nonsense Guide to Managing Anxiety.

Do you want to get your mojo back or need a reset for 2026?

Then book a free phone consultation. This is not a sales call, just an opportunity for us to have a chat and find out whether we’re a good fit.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions, and 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

The post Lost your way and looking for a reset? appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

The TV ads are on.

The shops are full of seasonal merchandise.

Festive menus are being posted.

There’s no getting away from it, Christmas is approaching.

For many it’s a time associated with love, happiness and laughter. But a fair chunk of the population dreads it, or just gets through it.

If you don’t have a family or don’t get on with them, or if you are missing someone through bereavement or a breakup, it can be a lonely or miserable time.

It may be that for the rest of the year your friends are your support network, but at Christmas they spend time with their family.

Family dynamics can be particularly tricky during the holiday period when there’s a lot of pressure to be jovial and to enjoy quality time together.

Most families experience disharmony at times, but it’s often amplified at Christmas.

Long periods indoors with people you don’t see often can be problematic. Different values, different personalities, and past misunderstandings can all increase tension over the festive period. Unresolved problems between family members can be reignited in an artificially close and confined environment.

At other times of year, intimate partners may co-exist without significant clashes.

But long periods indoors without the respite of work, social, or other activities can shine a light on strained relationships. Many divorces are instigated in the New Year when individuals or couples recognise that they no longer love or like their spouse or want something more or different.

There’s an awful lot of pressure on folk at this time of year.

Some fantasise about having the perfect Christmas and dream of being surrounded by loved ones with everyone being happy. Others long for a loving relationship with a romantic partner and feel lonely or incomplete.

Clients often say they ‘have to’ spend time with family members they can barely tolerate. Many tell me they have no choice about what they do at Christmas.

The truth is that we always have a choice, even if those choices are tricky or uncomfortable. You can choose to do something different this year and if that alternative option will result in you being less stressed, why not?

Or if you decide to do the same as usual, maybe you can choose to feel differently about it. You could say to yourself, “I choose to spend time with my family at Christmas because…” By reframing the experience as a choice, you will feel more assertive and in control.

Do you want to make changes so that 2026 will be better than 2025?

If you want to make changes so that next year will be better than this one, get in touch to arrange a chat.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions, and 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

The post Christmas joy or Christmas duty?  appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

If you don’t know my backstory (and are curious) you can learn a bit more here:

• Story Share – A blub & a brew
• Why I set up a hypnotherapy practice in Hebden Bridge

I had my rose-tinted specs on…

Quitting my ‘best of both worlds’ (or ‘back and forth’) life during lockdown, closing two businesses and relocating permanently to ‘God’s own country’ seemed like a no-brainer back in 2020.

I love the area, and I felt at peace in my Hebden Bridge home from the get-go.

Because I’d lived here part-time for a couple of years before moving here lock, stock and barrel, I thought it would be a smooth transition, which was a bit naïve.

Was it a breeze? No.

Was it a nightmare? No.

Was it the right decision? Yes.

London holds a special place in my heart, and I return several times a year for a ‘fix’, to catch up with friends, see exhibitions, etc. I love its multiculturalism and lively vibe.

But I enjoy living in the Calder Valley. Hebden Bridge is a hub of creativity, and the arts are an important part of valley life, and mine. It’s a good place to live and work. It’s also stunningly beautiful. I decided it would be lovely to welcome clients from across the UK to this wonderful part of the world and to offer them a supercharged version of what I do best!

Drum roll… Ta-da!

I’m excited to launch my 1-2-1 Intensive Therapy Retreats at Pen View in Hebden Bridge!

My 3-day solo retreats are ideal for busy professional women who want to make powerful changes but can’t squeeze regular appointments into their hectic schedule. Daily extended therapy sessions allow them to fully engage in transformative work without any distractions.

They’ll have sole use of my quaint, York-stone property in a peaceful and picturesque part of Hebden Bridge. I’ll visit for daily pre-arranged therapy appointments, then leave them to reflect on our sessions, go for a walk, explore Hebden Bridge, or simply chill out.

Fancy a half-price retreat this Autumn?

An Intensive Therapy Retreat offers the ideal solution for time-strapped women who want effective, no-nonsense therapy.

Is that you?

If you want to know more about my unique, bespoke retreats, book a free call.

I’m offering six half-price retreats this Autumn to launch Pen View Intensive Therapy Retreats, so get in touch now to see if this is a good fit for you.

The post It’s time for a new adventure! appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Employers often consider it a desirable quality as they benefit from their employee’s diligence, care, and commitment to excellence. They recognise that those who pursue perfection tend to pour extraordinary effort into everything they do.

Is this a sign of high standards? Absolutely.

Relentless drive? Without question.

Perfectionists can yield impressive results!

Sadly, there’s often a downside to this relentless pursuit . . .

It can be a sign of something far less positive.

I’ve often noted that clients who describe themselves as perfectionistic at work are not simply ambitious, they are running a ‘not good enough’ narrative. This is rarely restricted to the workplace and is usually driven by low self-worth, a yearning for recognition, or a deep-seated need to be accepted.

But that’s not the only problem.

Despite outward success or an impressive track record, many perfectionists’ struggle.

Their critical inner voice drowns out (or skews) any complimentary or affirmative input.

They work even harder, hoping to silence their critical inner voice through achievement. Even when they acknowledge that this is a faulty strategy that doesn’t deliver the desired effect, they continue.

Sadly, this only feeds the cycle. It increases stress and robs them of precious time and energy. It can also lead to physical and emotional burnout.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, you’ll know how exhausting it is.

You’ll also recognise the compulsion to work harder, perform better, and push further. Even when the outcome is good, it’s rarely good enough.

Living in this constant loop of pressure reduces your confidence and blocks any gratification from your successes. It makes genuine self-acceptance feel frustratingly out of reach. In short, it sucks the joy out of life.

So how do you overcome perfectionism?

Therapy. As unhelpful narratives operate at a deep, unconscious level, ‘surface-level’ solutions are unlikely to reap long-term results. Identifying that you run these patterns is brilliant but ditching them (or the beliefs that drive them) on your own is difficult when you are battling with yourself.

That doesn’t mean that therapy needs to be painful or protracted, though. I’ve worked with many clients who have experienced powerful shifts through a short course of therapy.

Are you fed up or frustrated by your self-talk?

If you are fed up or frustrated by your self-talk, get in touch to find out how I can help. Book a free consultation with me or email to arrange a convenient time for a chat.

I look forward to speaking to you soon.

The post How to silence your critical inner voice appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Whether it’s excitement about something coming up, a nagging worry that refuses to fade, or physical discomfort keeping you awake.

Missing out on sleep every now and then isn’t the end of the world. You might feel a bit irritable, tired or unable to concentrate properly the next day, but these effects usually disappear once you get back to a normal sleep pattern. The problem arises when sleepless nights become a regular feature of your life. Over time, this can lead to a host of serious physical and psychological challenges.

When you sleep, your body undertakes some essential tasks

Think of it as your personal repair service working through the night to restore and rejuvenate you.

Without enough sleep, your immune system starts to struggle, your body’s ability to recover slows down, and over the long term, health problems can begin to emerge. You might notice your body craving sugary foods and carbs more frequently when you’re tired, which can contribute to weight gain and unhealthy eating patterns.

Your mind suffers too, often in ways that are much harder to ignore

Maintaining focus and concentration can become difficult, your memory may seem impaired, and making decisions can simply feel overwhelming. To make matters worse, poor sleep triggers an increase in cortisol, the stress hormone that can leave you feeling frazzled and mentally stuck.

Another vital role of sleep is giving your brain a chance to process everything it has absorbed throughout the day – memories, emotions and information. Without this, unresolved issues and lingering stress can pile up, leaving you feeling overwhelmed. Over time, these mental roadblocks can evolve into more significant emotional and psychological struggles, affecting your overall wellbeing.

So, what can you do to quieten your mind and improve your sleep?

The first step is to take a closer look at your habits in the evening; this is known by sleep experts as ‘Sleep Hygiene’.

Establishing a calming, consistent bedtime routine can help your body and mind prepare for sleep.

Stressing about sleeplessness often makes the problem worse, as can going to bed super-early to ‘catch up’.

If you find yourself staring at the ceiling for over half an hour, try getting up and moving to another room. Do something relaxing – read a book or listen to gentle music – and head back to bed when you feel sleepy.

Sometimes, poor sleep can be tied to seemingly innocent habits that have become deeply ingrained over time.

Checking the clock each time you wake up, for instance, can set an internal alarm, causing you to wake at the same time every night. Similarly, routines like frequent trips to the bathroom can disrupt your sleep cycle, and scrolling through your phone is a definite no-no. Breaking these types of unhelpful patterns can often help reset your sleep rhythm.

If you struggle with insomnia and find it difficult to switch off at bedtime, hypnotherapy can offer a highly effective solution.

Techniques such as self-hypnosis and listening to hypnotherapy recordings can help calm a busy mind and reduce stress. During hypnosis, brainwave patterns often shift to mimic those experienced during REM sleep, allowing the brain to process unresolved thoughts and emotions. This can leave you feeling noticeably calmer and more receptive to sleep.

By addressing the roots of insomnia and creating a personalised approach to improving sleep, it is possible to overcome even long-standing sleep troubles and enjoy the many benefits of a full, restorative night’s rest. Sleep, after all, is not a luxury – it’s a necessity for both body and mind.

I hope you give my suggestions a try and find them useful

I’d love to hear how you get on so do ping me an email.

If you’ve got in the habit of fretting or stressing or your constant rumination results in sleep problems, do get in touch or book an initial chat via my online calendar.

The post Unlocking the secrets to better sleep appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Even the most laid-back folk have an internal dialogue; conversations and thoughts that run through the mind during each day. This is a normal part of life for all of us, and unless they become incessant or overwhelming, they don’t need our focus.

But if you find it difficult to switch off, your thinking is always negative or you often anticipate a disastrous outcome (known as catastrophising) your wellbeing is likely to be affected, and not in a good way.

Fretting and catastrophising is the enemy of sleep and many clients who book hypnotherapy sessions for insomnia are habitual worriers. Desperate to switch their brain off when they go to bed, they struggle to quieten their mind and relax; I can help with this.

While lying awake they will often re-run the events of the day (usually the challenging ones) or rehearse difficult conversations they need to have with others.

What you say about yourself (in your head or out loud) profoundly influences how you feel, so be kind. Accepting that you are a ‘perfectly-imperfect human’ can help to hush the judgemental voice that whispers (or shouts) in your ear.

Developing an awareness of your thought patterns and internal dialogue is all-important

Critical self-talk and ‘worst scenario’ thinking will inevitably exacerbate stress, anxiety, helplessness or overwhelm, while positive self-talk, rooted in tolerance and compassion, will create a more optimistic outlook.

Consciously interrupting self-critical thoughts as they pop up and replacing them with gentler, more constructive language is a good next step.

Adopting these practical actions will help you to embrace fresh perspectives that can make a real difference. Changing your mindset will require patience as you’re building a new skill, but the results will be worth it!

Developing curiosity

In addition to noticing your thought patterns, interrupting them and replacing them, you can also develop curiosity. Question yourself and your assumptions.

When a pessimistic thought or emotion arises and you find yourself leaping to negative conclusions, why not ask yourself:

• Are there other possibilities that I’ve overlooked?
• Could I have misjudged someone or something?
• Is there any actual evidence (the kind that would stand up in a court of law) to support my assumption or am I just guessing?

I hope you give my suggestions a try and find them useful; I’d love to hear how you get on so do ping me an email.

If you’ve got in the habit of fretting or stressing or your constant rumination results in sleep problems, do get in touch or book an initial chat via my online calendar.

The post Quietening the mind: How to tame your internal dialogue appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Maybe you are afraid of upsetting others or fear their disapproval.

Or maybe you want to be liked or valued and believe that doing things to please others will bring this about.

Does either (or both) sound like you?

Whether you consider ‘yessing’ to be congeniality or compliance, these behaviour patterns can lead to a range of problems practically and emotionally.

A good proportion of clients who book to see me for help to improve low self-esteem or to overcome Imposter Syndrome, are also eager to stop people-pleasing.

Routinely agreeing to the requests of others, or falling in with their plans, may seem an easy and safe option.

It may initially feel much more comfortable to say yes, rather than no.

But what happens when it isn’t easy or uncomplicated?

How is it when you’re crazy busy or are already doing a shedload of unpaid overtime?

Or worse, still doing a load of stuff for someone else?

If you go along with another person’s agenda when you’re ‘up against it’ yourself, you may expect them to show gratitude or feel indebted to you.

And if this doesn’t happen, how are you likely to feel?

My guess is that you may feel resentful or angry. You may also be frustrated with yourself for not saying ‘no’. And you’ll probably also be exhausted.

If you always put others before yourself, you are likely to experience internal conflict at times.

One part of you may be pleased to help or to go along with the wishes of others. The other part may feel upset or irritated that your wishes or opinions weren’t sought.

When we aren’t true to ourselves, or we regularly suppress our needs for the benefit of another, we can feel used.

But is it the other person’s fault? What role do we play in this scenario?

It is our responsibility to communicate our wishes, to say ‘no’ when we don’t want to do something.

To ‘blame’ the other person (or people) for exploiting us or being inconsiderate is, in my view, unreasonable.

Should we really expect them to read our minds or to know intuitively what we are happy with and what we are not, to know that we don’t mean what we say?

Most people will take us at our word or choose not to double-check our motivation especially if it suits them, but the majority of folk do not intend to be unkind.

Sadly, some folk will deliberately take advantage of those who don’t set boundaries or articulate clearly what is agreeable or acceptable. It would be easy to criticise them for doing so, but they are probably not heartless people. They have simply become conditioned to expect a ‘yes’.

Does that give them a licence to be selfish? No, of course not.

But even people who are usually considerate can start to ‘take the p*ss’ when they become accustomed to getting their way or meeting no resistance.

Becoming assertive is integral to ending people-pleasing behaviour.

We need the people we interact with to recognise that we mean what we say. They need to understand us without having to decode subtle hints, body language, or passive-aggressive behaviour.

Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. It’s simply a way of communicating that is confident and straightforward, that doesn’t involve blame, manipulation or unnecessary emotion.

Stating your needs or choices may seem scary initially, but it will reap results and it will be liberating.

When you become confident to express yourself honestly and openly, you will not only improve your relationships with others, but more importantly with yourself. Your confidence and self-esteem will soar, and you’ll generate the respect that you deserve.

If ‘yes’ is your default response to almost every request from those in your orbit . . .

Get in touch to find out how we could work together to boost your assertiveness and your boundary setting.

You may be pleasantly surprised how quickly you can change old habits and old unhelpful beliefs. Does that sound good?

The post How to stop people pleasing– learning to say no appeared first on Lorraine McReight.