Trauma is often considered to be caused by one major, life-changing event (such as an accident, assault, or life-changing injury) that leaves a profound impact on a person’s mental health. Such events are often known in the therapy world as ‘Big T’ traumas.

By contrast, the cumulative impact of smaller, repetitive negative experiences is known as ‘Little T’ traumas. These include things like bullying, ongoing criticism, and relentless ridicule.

Whilst I accept this is a term used by professionals to differentiate between the two types of traumas (and their causes and effects); I do feel uncomfortable describing someone’s life impacting negative experiences, ‘little’. Most of my trauma clients fall under the ‘Little T’ designation (although I work with clients from both categories) and the effects of their experiences are just as damaging as ‘Big T’, if not more.

Recovering completely from the effects of Little T’ trauma is challenging as its devastating effects are very deeply embedded. Sadly, those who experience ‘Big T’ trauma are often treated with more empathy (or seriousness) by friends, family or employers. The devastating impact of ‘Little T’ is not fully appreciated by those who haven’t lived with it and sometimes survivors of this insidious type of trauma are blamed (or shamed) for their ‘issues’.

What is trauma therapy and how does it work?

Trauma therapy helps your brain process distressing memories that have become lodged at a deep level.

Unprocessed traumatic memories can be reactivated by real-time events, news reports, films or TV drama; this is more common with ‘Big T’.

But memories of traumatic experiences frequently linger quietly in the background, pushed down consciously or unconsciously by the individual so that they can function. These suppressed memories affect the individual’s self-esteem and can leave them feeling vulnerable, anxious, easily overwhelmed, or hypersensitive. The individual may have a perpetual negative narrative running in the background or have developed unhelpful patterns because of early, ongoing trauma.

The effects of trauma and how to overcome it

Trauma, including abuse (in all its forms) shapes how you perceive yourself, the beliefs that you hold about yourself and how you see yourself in relation to others.

Trusting people (especially in intimate relationships) is not easy if you believe (at a deep, rather than surface level) that you are unlovable or not good enough. Some clients describe themselves as ‘people-pleasers’ and fear criticism or abandonment if they don’t accommodate the needs of others. Many have difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries and allow other people to take advantage of them.

I tailor my sessions to each individual, so there is no set protocol that I apply. Typically, I will want to instil a positive, more compassionate self-view.

A regular part of my work is helping the client to develop assertiveness skills. When someone needs external validation to feel good about themselves, we work together using a range of techniques to increase their self-esteem.

If forgiveness of themselves or others is appropriate (it’s not always, and it’s up to each client to decide what will be most helpful for them) we address that.

If they wish, I teach my clients techniques such as Nervous System Regulation and EFT Tapping which they can use at home between sessions or when therapy is completed.

I use a blend of hypnosis and CBT combined with modern approaches rooted in neuroscience such as bilateral stimulation and eye movement therapies which reduce the emotional charge associated with trauma. Many techniques I use are ‘content-free’, so you won’t need to recount painful details. Thankfully, therapy doesn’t need to be harrowing or protracted. Emotional healing is possible and often happens more quickly and fully than you might expect.

What are the benefits of Trauma Therapy?

When recovering from trauma you can expect to notice shifts in your mindset and physiology. Such as:

• Feeling calmer and less emotional
• Less jumpy
• Sleeping better
• Less quick to anger
• No longer hypervigilant
• Ability to talk about your experience without being re-traumatised
• A greater sense of physical and emotional wellbeing

Is trauma therapy right for me?

First, ask yourself if you think you’d benefit from therapy.

People seek therapy with me because they have issues that affect their quality of life. I’m not a fan of labelling people or describing them by their symptoms or the root cause of their discomfort. I prefer to focus on their individual experience; what they think, how they feel, and how they want to feel at the end of their therapy.

If you’re considering therapy for trauma, low self-esteem, anxiety, or any other issue, I know it can feel daunting

Google and AI will provide information on thousands of therapists and many styles of therapy.

How do you choose?

I recommend that you have a chat with anyone you are considering working with to see how you feel about them and their approach.

It’s important that client and therapist are a ‘good fit’.

If you’d like to chat about how I could help, I’d love to hear from you.

I look forward to speaking with you.

The post What is trauma and how can trauma therapy help? appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

A poor night’s sleep the night before travelling or delays at the airport only make the problem worse. If thinking about an upcoming flight makes your heart rate increase, your chest tighten, or your stomach spasm up you are not alone; anxiety around flying is a very common problem.

Fear of flying, also known as aerophobia, is one of the most common fears people seek my help with. Some clients feel embarrassed admitting to others they are terrified of flying. Others are desperate to avoid their children ‘learning’ their phobia, which adds additional pressure and compounds their anguish.

Flying phobia can affect people from all walks of life, including those who are confident and capable in other situations.

Why people fear flying

The reasons people are afraid of flying vary considerably.

As a therapist, it’s important not to make assumptions about what is driving any fear. So, I typically begin by establishing whether the fear relates specifically to flying, extends to travel and transport more broadly, or is instead connected to Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Knowing whether someone’s anxiety is narrow and specific, or part of a wider pattern, helps to shape the treatment approach I take.

If it’s specific to flying, I seek to understand what ‘the fear below the fear’ is.

Whilst they may have theories about why they are anxious about air travel, many clients aren’t sure of the root cause. It may stem from an earlier turbulent flight, claustrophobia, a fear of becoming unwell during the journey or most common of all, the fear of being out of control.

In my experience, fear of crashing is comparatively rare. The good news is that I have reliable strategies to reduce or eliminate anxious thoughts and physical.

Fear of losing control

Anxiety feeds on the belief that nothing can be done and that the individual has no control over their situation.

The fear of being out of control (or losing control) is familiar to everyone who experiences anxiety. Truth be told, we are in control of very little. See my blog called Stress, anxiety & the myth of control for useful tips. It’s worth pausing to reflect on this for a moment as it’s fundamental to changing your mindset and future experiences.

Acceptance of what you can’t control whilst being confident about what you can, is the starting point for change. It is integral to experiencing a sense of control.

How hypnotherapy can help

Most of my clients appreciate on an intellectual level that flying is statistically very safe. They know logically that most things they might catastrophise about (the ‘what ifs’) are unlikely to happen.

Unfortunately, that knowledge rarely changes how they feel.

Fear is not a logical problem, it is an emotional one, held at a level that facts and statistics don’t fully penetrate. That’s why hypnotherapy is an ideal therapy for phobia treatment and is recommended for irrational or exaggerated fears. Most clients find it very relaxing and pleasant as well as effective.

Effective self-help strategies

In conjunction with my hypnotherapy sessions, I teach my clients self-help strategies they can practise independently. These include easy-to-learn breathing practices to regulate the autonomic nervous system, tapping techniques to interrupt anxious thoughts and reduce unwelcome physical symptoms, and relaxation routines that can be used discreetly in an airport or on board.

These practical tools can break old patterns and make a real difference. They can also engender a welcome sense of control and agency.

I recommend that my clients practise a short routine in the weeks leading up to a flight, not just during it. I consider the techniques I teach as ‘preventive’ as well as ‘first aid’.

Approaching flying in a calmer state is preferable to managing full-blown panic once on board. But most of my nervous system regulation strategies can be used quietly, quickly, and without drawing attention, when you are sitting in a departure lounge or fastening your seatbelt as the doors close.

Do not wait until the last minute

If you already have a flight booked my advice is not to push it to the back of your mind.

It may feel easier in the short term to avoid thinking about it (or tell yourself you feel okay this time) but anxiety left unaddressed tends to build quietly in the background and intensifies as the departure date approaches.

You’ll be better able to master the techniques I advocate before the anxiety builds and you are experiencing unpleasant symptoms.

New clients often contact me a week before a holiday flight when they are already in a semi-agitated state. Seeking help early gives you time to make real progress and gain confidence in your new skills before you are packing your bags or standing at the departure gate.

A realistic timeline

If you are one of the many folks who hates flying, I recommend that you book to see me well in advance of your next flight.

Ideally, I like to start work before any flight is in the diary. This gives us an opportunity to work while you’re in a calm state of mind.

You’ll find it is easier to learn self-hypnosis, stress-reduction strategies, and anxiety-reducing protocols at this stage. This means that you’ll be able to draw on these more readily when needed, rather than struggling to remember what you’re meant to do when the wheels start to fall off or panic sets in.

You’ll also be more receptive to hypnotic suggestion when you’re not battling anxious thoughts.

If the thought of flying takes the joy out of holidays . . .

I offer:

• One-to-one therapy sessions
• Intensive therapy retreats
• A confidential consultation to explore whether we’re a good fit

Book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

The post Scared of flying? What can help you board calmly. appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

There’s something about being two thirds of the way through my life (if I’m lucky enough to become a centenarian) that focuses the mind.

I occasionally look back on my earlier life and feel sad for the younger me who lacked confidence and constantly doubted her ability. As I grew from a child to a teen, to a young adult, I believed incontrovertibly that I wasn’t ‘enough’.

Not smart enough, not qualified enough, not good enough.

Not ‘enough’ and ‘too much’ all at the same time!

The reasons for my self-doubt were textbook, and I sometimes made poor (and downright dreadful) choices as a result.

Thankfully, I took some very good decisions too and developed a rebellious streak. When teachers or family members suggested that I couldn’t do something, my ‘I’ll show you’ mentality kicked in.

Later, I took decisions that others considered brave (or reckless, depending on your aversity to risk).

In hindsight, some of my achievements were noteworthy, but if I got praise or recognition from others, I don’t remember it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. I did however remember the criticisms.

I was too loud, too maverick, too direct. Too ‘me’!

Going it alone (making it easier for myself and harder!)

At 28 I started my first business with enthusiasm, energy, and lots of ideas, but no business plan.

Accounts and admin were ‘not my thing’ and still aren’t. Back then I hadn’t heard of neurodivergence or ADHD, and neither had anyone I knew.

Did I make a lot of money in my first venture? No. But, I did ok and I loved the 6 years that I ran that creative enterprise.

The absence of rigid routines meant I was never bored, and the variety of tasks kept me motivated and engaged…

I won’t talk about the admin fails! It was stressful, blimey was it stressful, but I don’t regret any of it and look back on that venture with great fondness.

And prior to launching I was probably heading for the sack. My job (in fashion management) no longer ‘lit me up’ and it showed.

Plus, my inability to ‘keep it zipped’ wasn’t a welcome trait.

Change can be a gift (even if it’s changing your mind)

Since then, I have retrained for a new career twice; the first time in holistic therapies, then talking therapy, hypnotherapy, and coaching.

Oh, and I ‘accidentally’ became a beauty therapist for a few years… I might share more of that in another blog!

I’ve run several businesses, including setting up and running a therapy centre and hypnotherapy training school in London.

I enjoy working for myself. Yes, I need a VA and other professionals to do the admin, tech, and boring stuff, but that’s ok. I believe in doing what you’re good at and delegating everything else.

Life is too short for doing stuff you hate or are no good at. Let someone else shine!

My ‘terrible gift’

I’ve worked with many clients over the years who judge themselves harshly based on where they think they ‘should’ be or by comparing themselves to friends, siblings, schoolfriends, etc.

In my teens, twenties, and early thirties, I did just that. Then, I endured a truly terrible, life-changing period of my life.

I choose to describe it as ‘my terrible gift.’ It was without question, the worst time in my life and I had to rebuild my life from scratch.

But it was a turning point.

I concentrated on what I could do, not what I couldn’t. I drew on all my skills and resourcefulness and didn’t focus on any shortcomings.

I focused on moving forward, not looking back.

You’re never too old (or young) to learn new patterns

When I reflect on my life and its challenges (some of them sizeable), I know that I have earned the right to be proud.

Comparisonitis (as I call it) robs those who indulge in it, of the joy or satisfaction they might otherwise experience. It is a terrible waste of energy and serves no purpose.

None of us are born with lack of confidence or low self-esteem, it is something that happens over time, often due to other people’s words, actions or neglect.

Thankfully, it is possible to ‘unlearn’ it. You can begin to recognise ‘the critical inner voice’ for what it is as soon as it pipes up. You can learn to acknowledge it, then ignore it.

It might sound easier said than done, but I promise you, you can do it. And I can teach you how.

And now…

I’ve been a therapist for over three decades and business owner for four, and I fully trust my instinct and experience.

I’ve practised what I preach and have had therapy when I needed it.

I now have no doubt that I am ‘enough’. I have been described as ‘the ‘non-therapisty’ therapist’ and whilst I’m not a lover of labels, I am happy to accept that one.

Does this resonate with you?

If this article resonates with you, I offer:

• One-to-one therapy sessions
• Intensive therapy retreats
• A confidential consultation to explore whether we’re a good fit

Book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

The post On being enough appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Your life looks good on paper.

You have the relationship, the career, the home, the family.

So why do you keep wondering:

“Is this it?”

This is an issue that many clients have sought my help with over the years. They’re typically (but not always) a professional woman, with a good job or their own business, a committed partner and children.

This woman has thought about therapy or coaching for some time before finally reaching out. She insists everything is fine and lists all the things that are great about her life.

Compared to some of her close friends who are in an emotionally disconnected relationship, have jobs where they’re unappreciated, or are struggling with anxiety or poor health, she is lucky, she says.

I smile and wait.

No-one considers therapy if everything in their life is perfect.

Feeling empty despite having everything

Gradually, this woman loses touch with herself.

Friends and loved ones notice she’s quieter than usual, less spontaneous, drinking more or always tired.

She may have a kind, dependable, and loving partner, but perhaps the spark has faded. She doesn’t want to break up; she just wants more.

But she doesn’t know what the ‘more’ is.

Is it a career change?

Returning to study?

Moving to the countryside?

Or back to the city?

She has everything she wanted years ago, and wanting more now feels greedy, ungrateful, entitled.

But let’s be clear about one thing…

Wanting more does not equate to being ungrateful for what you have.

Many women were raised with messages about endurance, sacrifice, and not “making a fuss”

Many women absorbed direct or subtle messages from parents, teachers and wider society about endurance, sacrifice, and not “making a fuss”.

Even when life felt emotionally unfulfilling, they learned to tolerate discomfort rather than question it. They accepted what they saw and were told about how to behave and what was expected without question, especially when younger.

Some rebelled, but many did not.

Mercifully, times have changed and women have more freedom and autonomy now, but in many families unhelpful generational messaging continues, albeit in a diluted or less obvious form than previously.

There is no ‘right’ way to live your life. You owe it to yourself to pursue your bliss.

The turning point

When clients come to see me with issues such as these, they may feel perplexed, bewildered, sad.

They often want me to resolve the problem without exploring any underlying issues that may have been sidelined or brushed under the carpet at some point.

Some have a sense of the cause of their dissatisfaction. Others have become so disconnected from themselves that they have no inkling of the source, or it is so far back that they don’t make the connection.

Some clients have been taught by their mothers to push down their emotions and to just ‘get on with it’. Then something happens to trigger an emotional unravelling and sadly, they don’t have the resources to work through it or process it without support.

This is where therapy, and hypnotherapy in particular, can be so useful.

I combine talking therapy, tapping, hypnosis, and other rapid change techniques tailored to each client’s needs.

My integrated therapy sessions can provide insights even when the root-cause isn’t obvious.

I can’t magic away something that needs addressing, but I could help you to see things from a different perspective, which then presents a variety of options.

I can’t make you love someone you don’t, although I could help with how you relate or communicate.

I can’t promise an epiphany, but some clients do experience this after a session of hypnosis with me.

I can help you gain the clarity and confidence you need to decide on the next steps.

Reality check and limiting beliefs

We know that no-one loves their life all the time, but many women are held back by beliefs around what they deserve.

As they age, many women stop dreaming big. They believe (without consciously deciding) that there’s a cut-off point for wanting more. And by ‘more’ I’m not referring to material things.

Whether you made wise choices in the past or foolish ones, decisions you regret, or ones you celebrate, it’s okay to want something different now.

You are allowed to pursue a fulfilling life, whether you’re 26 or 66.

You have the right to change your mind, whether that be about a university course, a career, a relationship, where you live, or anything else.

It’s never too late (or too early) to seek a happier, more fulfilling life.

“Because I want to…” is enough

When ‘I’m fine’ is starting to sound (and feel) dishonest or unconvincing, try to recall what it felt like when things were really flying for you.

Remember a time when life was really good and you were excited and optimistic about pretty much everything.

Then give yourself this gift of therapy. I can help you reconnect with yourself.

We can explore what you genuinely want, without guilt, shame, or judgement.

You are allowed to want a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside and you don’t need to justify investing in yourself.

Does this resonate with you?

If this article resonates with you, I offer:

• One-to-one therapy sessions
• Intensive therapy retreats
• A confidential consultation to explore whether we’re a good fit

Book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

The post When Your Life Looks Great but Doesn’t Feel Right appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

It is commonly said that ‘We are the product of our life experiences’, and this is true.

Naturally, genetics play a role in our development, but we are fundamentally shaped by the lived experience of our early years.

Throughout our life we collect and store memories at a conscious and unconscious level and these memories shape how we feel about ourselves. Through repetition, our minds become conditioned to thinking and feeling in a certain way which becomes our default position.

Understandably, our inner state is reflected in our ‘outer’ self. Whether we are confident and grounded with a strong sense of self, or fearful and insecure, will principally be governed by our upbringing and childhood experiences.

Lack of confidence, self-imposed limitations and self-esteem issues are predominantly a consequence of how we were raised and what we experienced and witnessed along the way.

If we navigated childhood and teenage years relatively smoothly and experienced love, guidance and support from our parents or caregivers, we may be deemed to have had a ‘functional’ childhood.

If we experienced emotional neglect (our physical needs were met, but not our emotional ones) or we were deprived of praise or encouragement, we may lack confidence as an adult.

If we were routinely criticised, disparaged, or abused we will certainly suffer a range of psychological consequences.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (or ACE’s) affect how an individual navigates life and its trials.

ACE’s result in insecurity, feelings of low self-worth or a sense of being unlovable. The more ACE’s that a child experiences, the more likely they are to be psychologically wounded.

This often manifests in insecurity and a need for continual reassurance from friends or partners. The ability to sustain healthy, functional relationships with partners is likely to be reduced too.

If the childhood home was volatile (with violence, addiction or repeated arguments, for instance) they may (unconsciously) seek out chaotic relationships. This is because it’s familiar; it’s an uncomfortable, comfort zone.

For those growing up in a turbulent setting, a calm home or steady relationship can feel boring. These folk may reject or jeopardise stable relationships for the excitement of an unsuitable or unreliable connection.

It’s important to say that no matter how damaging it is, a dysfunctional upbringing isn’t necessarily abusive, and emotional neglect may not be deliberate.

Harm can occur without malice or intention, rather through the poor judgement of the caregiver, their physical or mental health or their own upbringing.

Parents who have experienced inadequate parenting themselves won’t have learned the skills to do the best job of raising children and will often treat their child as they were treated. Sadly, this pattern can continue for generations and recognising the deficiencies in their childhood experience is not enough to break that pattern.

When an individual seeks professional help to address their own issues, there is a prospect of change in their internal landscape, which can lead to a shift in their attitude and actions.

It’s also essential to consider that a child can sometimes misinterpret the behaviour of parents or caregivers and can blame themselves for situations for which they bear no responsibility, such as relationship breakdown or divorce.

Situations involving adults can be complex and confusing and the child may make flawed causal connections which they accept as true. These beliefs can remain embedded within them, unchallenged throughout their life. Children lack the life experience to give context to troubling situations of which they have no understanding.

Example Case 1:

Mandy (not her real name) grew up with her mother, younger sister ‘Sharon’ and stepfather ‘Frank’.

Frank was a heavy drinker, who relied for cash on criminal activities. Mandy’s mother did ‘a bit of this and a bit of that’ which included sex work. Drugs were bought and sold in the home. The house was always a mess, and the girls had to look after themselves. They went to school without breakfast or suitable clothing or footwear. Violence between Frank and his wife was common, and Mandy was frequently beaten by her mother and sexually abused by her stepfather. Mandy married young and never wanted children.

When I met her, Mandy explained that she’d been obsessive about housework since she left home and felt the need to redecorate on a near annual basis. She understood that her compulsive cleaning stemmed from living in squalor as a child but didn’t recognise her need for control. Mandy didn’t mind other people’s homes looking ‘lived in’ (indeed she preferred that as she said she was more relaxed when she didn’t feel the need to polish a tap whenever she passed it or pour bleach down the loo after every flush).

Despite being diagnosed with OCD by her GP many years earlier during a particularly stressful period, Mandy had never considered therapy until her mother became terminally ill. With her stepfather dead and her sister disabled, the only person able to care for her mother was Mandy. She accepted this responsibility and spent hours each day taking care of the woman who had abused and neglected her. Mandy slept poorly and skipped meals; she lost a lot of weight. After the funeral, Mandy admitted she needed help to process the trauma she had experienced from a young age.

Example case 2:

Sarah (not her real name), a mother of two told me during our meeting, that her oldest daughter wasn’t ‘the sharpest tool in the box’ and gave an example of something ‘dumb’ that her 20-year-old daughter had said.

Whilst the ‘thing’ that ‘Caroline’ didn’t know was something that one might expect to be taught in science at junior school, for some reason, Caroline had not learned this. And to be fair, it wasn’t something most people would wake up one morning ‘just knowing’.

‘Sarah’ went on to explain that Caroline had stated that she wanted to enrol at college to train for a better job, but that she had tried to dissuade her, telling her she would find it too difficult.

I did my best to stop my eyebrows raising.

I knew that Sarah loved her daughter so asked why she had tried to put Caroline off from pursuing her dream career. “It’s a tough world out there” she said, “I don’t want her to be disappointed.”.

A conversation ensued where we discussed the pros and cons of her daughter giving the course her best shot and discovering for herself whether she could gain the required qualification.

“But that’s how my mum was with me”, Sarah said.

I paused for a while.

Comprehension spread slowly across Sarah’s face. You might not be surprised that Sarah was consulting me because she was struggling with her lack of assertiveness in the workplace and being taken advantage of pay and hours-wise, by her employer. A year later Caroline booked to see me for help to improve her confidence.

What is Inner Child Healing and why is Inner Child Healing good for low-self-esteem?

The concept that underpins this powerful therapy is that no matter what age we are now, we all have a ‘child’ within us.

Whether our inner child’s experience was generally positive or negative will be reflected in our behaviour and responses as an adult; how our ‘child’ feels at any moment is mirrored in our grown-up self.

If our ‘inner child’ feels good and positive, then consequently so does the adult. If our ‘inner child’ feels sad or lacks self-esteem, so too does our adult self.

Our behaviour and responses are driven by early memories and the experiences of ‘our inner child’.

Upsetting emotions can be triggered by environments or situations that appear similar to previous upsetting or traumatic events which is why we are sometimes surprised by our reactions to certain situations or the reactions of others.

A child who experienced routine criticism from parents or caregivers will take that criticism with them into adulthood where it will operate as a critical inner voice.

Healing the inner child through bonding with them, listening to them and offering them what they need is paramount.

The love and support that may have been missing in their early years can be directed towards their inner child through this guided process. Maladapted beliefs rooted in the past can be released to allow for a new, more positive narrative. They can learn to treat themselves with kindness, love and compassion. As the journey of rebuilding a healthy relationship with themselves continues they will notice improved self-esteem and less critical ‘head chatter’. This can lead to shifts within the individual and changes to how they how they function in the world.

Inner Child Healing won’t remove traumatic memories, but it can change how we view them.

It’s a beautifully gentle process which allows us to release the effects of past trauma and any associated negative beliefs we may hold about ourselves. It has been said that “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” and that’s because Inner Child work can have a profound effect on how we feel when we think about ourselves, our past, and our future.

Hypnotherapy and Inner Child Healing are effective methods of processing ACE’s and the wounds of a dysfunctional childhood, and I have used them often with clients for whom a traditional long-term counselling or psychotherapy approach feels daunting. If you hate the idea of unpicking every childhood scenario, my solution-directed approach may appeal to you.

Do you struggle with any of the issues described in this article or recognise that you have unhealthy coping strategies that may be due to unresolved issues from the past?

If you would like to find out ways that I can support you then please book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions and also 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire that consist of daily, extended one-to-one therapy sessions. Intensive therapy is powerful work for people who want to go ‘all in’ and get results in days, rather than weeks or months. During this time, you’ll be my only client so will receive my undivided attention.

The post The Benefits of Inner Child Healing appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Some have shared decades of my life’s journey; some are newer arrivals. Others I have connected with for a short time as they passed through my life on their way to someplace else. All have left their mark on me; sharing wisdom, kindness, and encouragement.

What each of us have had in common is that we’ve been inspired by other amazing women. That may have been a teacher, a sporting star, a coach, a writer, a political figure, or a wonderful woman around the corner who did incredible things in her community, was valued enormously by those she supported, but was largely unrecognised.

To mark IWD 2026, I decided to catch up with a few women I admire, to learn which women have most inspired them and why. I asked them to choose two heroines; one who is alive and one historical figure. Here’s what they had to say:

Emma Goode – Founder of 24 Fingers digital marketing consultancy

For me, a heroine is someone who changes what’s possible for the rest of us.

Alive today – Emma Jones

One woman who inspires me today is Emma Jones, now the UK’s Small Business Commissioner. Long before her government role, she created Enterprise Nation, a platform that has supported thousands of founders with education, community and practical guidance. What I admire most is her consistent focus on access. She understands that small businesses are not a side story to the economy – they are the backbone of it. In stepping into public service, she’s taken that advocacy one step further, ensuring smaller firms have a voice at the highest levels. As someone who works closely with entrepreneurs, I’ve seen how powerful that representation can be.

My historical figure – Hedy Lamarr

My historical heroine is Hedy Lamarr. Most people know her as a 1940s Hollywood film star, but she also co-invented frequency-hopping technology during the Second World War – a system originally designed to prevent radio signals being jammed. That invention later became foundational to the wireless communication we rely on today, including WiFi and Bluetooth.

I run my business internationally. I work from airports, cafés and co-working spaces. I collaborate across borders in real time. All of that depends on invisible infrastructure that most of us take for granted. The fact I cannot function without Wi-Fi is, in part, thanks to a woman the world initially saw only as glamorous.

What I love about Hedy Lamarr is the reminder that women contain multitudes. We can be creative and technical. Visible and strategic. Commercial and curious. Her legacy proves that impact is not always loud – sometimes it is embedded in the systems that power everyday life.

Both women, in very different eras, have expanded opportunity – one through business advocacy, the other through invention. Both have helped shape the connected world I’m fortunate enough to work within today.

About Emma

Emma Goode is the founder of 24 fingers, helping business owners who feel all fingers and thumbs with their marketing to build confidence, visibility and sustainable growth. With over 35 years’ experience in digital marketing, she works with founders across the globe, delivering strategic support in content, SEO and lead generation.

A Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts and voted the UK’s Top Digital Marketing Adviser by Enterprise Nation, Emma believes digital marketing should feel understandable, manageable and effective.

Helen Reynolds – Personal Style Consultant

My historical figure – Victoria Wood (deceased but not really historical!)

I have always admired Victoria Wood for her brilliance, warmth and unmistakable sense of self. As a young woman, I shared such special times with my mum watching her, laughing until we cried.

Later, as I became interested in style, I realised how much I admired the way she dressed. Victoria never conformed to beauty standards; she simply expressed who she was. She trusted herself to be enough. In my work as a personal stylist, I aim to help women find that same confidence — dressing not to fit in, but to reflect who they truly are.

Alive today – Ashley James

I admire Ashley James for the way she challenges beauty standards from within them. By society’s definition she is beautiful, yet she openly shares her insecurities. When she posted her previously unshared photos on Instagram, highlighting the parts of her body she once felt she shouldn’t show, she exposed how harshly she had judged herself. Something women do all the time. That honesty was powerful. She shows that beauty and vulnerability coexist. In my work, this feels important. True style isn’t about perfection. It’s about acceptance, compassion and allowing yourself to be seen as you are.

About Helen

Helen works with women who love life, seizing opportunities and thinking big. She helps them to bring their wardrobe in line with their outlook so their outfits represent how they feel inside. Having spent many years working in glossy magazines and feeling her style wasn’t good enough, she discovered her true style 17 years ago and it was life-changing! She believes she has the best career in the world and loves spreading joy, confidence and ease to fabulous women who want to step out of the shadows and lead a bigger, braver life where they can shine brightly!

Phyllis Woodfine – Osteopath, Coach and Mentor

My first heroine – Althea Gibson

My first inspiration is Althea Gibson (1927-2003) maybe not seen as an historical figure, but I would say an important one to me.

I wrote my GCSE essay on her in the 1970s as the first Black person to compete at Wimbledon. She won both the singles, and doubles tournaments 1957 and 1958, just two of the 11 Grand Slam titles she won. As a teenager I competed in many sports and Althea’s tenacity and bravery truly inspired me. She had to battle against segregation and overt prejudice; she did not let it stop her.

My second heroine – Maya Angelou

My second inspiration (cheating again as she is no longer with us) is Maya Angelou (1928- 2014) – an incredible woman who again survived and rose above many obstacles, racism as well as prejudice. She went on to become a great writer as well as an incredible orator. I had the privilege of seeing her twice in the 1980s. She was a joy to listen to; her presence was magical. The way she commanded a stage is something I can only aspire to.

I continue to think of Maya and Althea, the struggles they overcame knowing that, whilst I, as a woman and even more so as a Black woman face many obstacles still in the 21st Century, the way has been paved by these incredible women. If they could do that then I have no real excuse not to continue and hopefully pave the way for others!

About Phyllis

Phyllis is an Osteopath, Coach, Mentor and Supervisor with over 40 years’ experience in health and wellbeing. Training originally as a building surveyor and working in local government, she later retrained to become an Osteopath and lecturer. She has a multi-disciplinary approach and integrates neuroscience, ACT, NLP, movement, and mind-body principles to support authentic change for others both personally and professionally. Phyllis has worked with NHS Trusts, corporate teams, and coaching organisations, giving keynote speeches and running workshops whilst continuing to work with coaches, clients and patients.

Sheren Gaulbert – Pain Therapist and Educator

I’ve been influenced by many incredible women but I’m focusing on two unconnected to the therapy or clinical world. Both were important in my early life, shaping the unconscious foundation of my values and reflecting what matters most to me.

My historical figure – Indira Ghandi

Indira Gandhi was India’s first, and so far only, female prime minister. A strong and firm communicator, she was a leader on the global stage before the world was accustomed to women in power. She was already serving her first term when I was born and started her second when I was five. Her statement, “I believe in women being able to do everything” was very powerful. Keen to understand her fellow humans, and their perspectives, whatever their position in society, she declared, “The power to question is the basis of all human progress.“

Alive today – Helen Sharman

My living heroine was also a pioneer. In May 1991, Helen Sharman, a 27-year-old chemist, became the first Briton in space. She’d heard a radio advert two years previously, calling for applications to become an astronaut, no experience necessary. Her focus and dedication meant she beat almost 13,000 other applicants to take her position for the 7-day mission to the Mir Space Station. She believes that democracy must involve public debates on science and, on her return, Sharman started in her role communicating science to the wider public, which she continues to this day, as well as working at Imperial College and being President of the Institute of Science and Technology.

Both women were great communicators, dedicated, focused, believers in democracy with curiosity in other people’s perspectives – all qualities that prove useful in my career now.

About Sheren

Sheren Gaulbert is a Clinical Educator and Specialist Pain Therapist whose breakthrough from chronic pain led her to help people reclaim their lives and to ensure clinicians provide informed, evidence-based care. Her tailored 1-2-1 programs integrate psychological, somatic, trauma-release, mind-body approaches (including EMDR), and cognitive hypnotherapy, helping people more comfortably do the things that bring them joy. Sheren coaches multidisciplinary clinicians in ethical, pain science–based, trauma-informed collaborative care, therapeutic language, and addressing burnout, imposter syndrome, and other clinical challenges. She is a Trustee of the Vulval Pain Society and a seasoned speaker.

Claire Winter – Coach and Co-Founder of Winter Audio

I’m hoping for a time when we don’t need an International Women’s Day to celebrate women. I think women should be celebrated every day, but I am more than happy to share two women who have greatly inspired me.

My historical figure – Emmeline Pankhurst

My historical figure is Emmeline Pankhurst; for me, she represents freedom and democracy. She fought for women’s right to vote at a time when women had very little political power. Through protests and activism, she challenged unfair laws and helped change society so women could have a voice in decisions that affected their lives. Her work shows how determination and courage can lead to greater equality and democratic rights.

Alive today – Julia Cameron

The other woman I have chosen is Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way. She offers a different way of looking at creativity by encouraging people to explore self-expression, confidence and personal growth. Her ideas suggest that creativity is not just for artists but for everyone, and that developing creativity can help people understand themselves better, something I believe too.

Both women inspire change, but in different ways. Emmeline Pankhurst focused on changing society and political rights, while Julia Cameron focuses on changing how individuals think and create. Together, they show that striving for democratic and creative freedom is important, two things I am equally passionate about.

About Claire

Claire Winter is an ICF-accredited coach, shamanic practitioner and award-winning podcaster passionate about nature, creativity and storytelling. A former journalist and magazine editor, she now helps purpose-led entrepreneurs share their stories and wisdom through authentic storytelling. Claire is the co-founder of a podcast agency, Winter Audio, a columnist for Female CEO magazine, and host of the Creatrix Journey podcast. She believes in the healing power of walking and spends her free time outdoors walking and wild swimming with family, friends and her dog, Leo. You can find out more here.

And my two heroines?

I’m celebrating two incredible women whose brave decisions really made an impact on society during their lifetime.

My historical figure – Rosa Parks

The first is Rosa Parks, the civil rights activist (often described as ‘The mother of the civil rights movement’) who, in 1955, famously refused to give up her seat on an Alabama bus to a white passenger. Whilst she wasn’t the first to do this, she was possibly the most notable, having been an active participant in the anti-segregation and civil rights movement from a young age.

Alive today – Gisele Pelicot

My second heroine is Gisele Pelicot, the French woman who was repeatedly drugged and raped by her husband, and, at his invitation, dozens of other men over many years. At the trial of these men in 2024 she waived her right to anonymity, proclaiming ‘The shame is theirs’. She has become a global feminist figurehead, admired for her courage in the pursuit of justice. She has recently written a book called in English, ‘A Hymn to Life: Shame Has to Change Sides’.

The post Who’s your Heroine? appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

I’d been worrying about something… yes, therapists cogitate on things too!

I realised within a few moments of stirring that I’d been clenching my jaw. Happily, it’s not something I experience often, but I have had episodes of jaw clenching in the past. For a while last summer (when I was totally stressed-out over my builder’s behaviour, and to be frank, the quality of his work) I was grinding my teeth, not just clenching my jaw.

Often the first to identify what is typically a night-time activity is the dentist and my dentist certainly noticed the damage I’d done to my teeth by my nocturnal gnashing.

It’s hard to stop an activity that occurs most frequently during sleep, and so is out of one’s conscious control.

What these two occasions had in common was not just that I was stressed, but that I needed to address or deal with something.

I was constantly turning over in my mind what I could or should say or do.

In my experience as a therapist, I’ve observed that bruxism is often experienced by individuals who aren’t speaking up about something when they would benefit from doing so.

Usually, clients who want help for bruxism are unaware that the thing they are ignoring or putting up with may be the cause or trigger for the painful bruxing. I mean, it all sounds a bit woo-woo, right?

My travels around St Helier (the hospital, not the delightful capital of Jersey)

There was a time years ago when my throat felt tight and talking felt strained. As a therapist and hypnotherapy trainer the ability to talk comfortably and project was pretty important. 

My GP at the time thought I had an infection and prescribed antibiotics; they didn’t work. My vocal struggles continued and my GP initiated a 2-week referral.

Over the next few weeks and months, I was seen and scanned by numerous specialists, but no test yielded a diagnosis. It was a scary time. 

Finally, I was sent to Voice Therapy where I was seen by a lovely woman who, by chance, was an NLP practitioner.

After a chat, she quickly diagnosed gastric reflux and spasmed vocal cords caused by emotional factors. Her words were, ‘I think you’re upset by your friend moving away’. And she was right.

One of my two best friends was leaving the area, and I knew I wouldn’t see her often. It made me sad and upset, but I’d not vocalised it. I hadn’t told her how I felt, nor did I share my distress with anyone else, I just accepted it, and ‘kept it zipped’.

Many of us are taught to remain composed, to suppress, or swallow our feelings.

We put a brave face on it and ‘push on through’ and tell everyone we’re fine.

In my experience (personal, and professional) there’s always a price to pay for pushing stuff down or ignoring it. I became fascinated by psychosomatic conditions, especially those that affected the voice.

Many of my clients with such conditions (e.g. Bruxism and Globus Pharyngeus) have found a reduction in their uncomfortable symptoms through talking therapy and hypnosis.

They also benefitted greatly from learning how to become more assertive. For those who have been taught to keep schtum, the word ‘assertive’ is interpreted as aggressive or confrontational, but assertiveness is simply clear, confident, communication.

When clients get comfortable with communicating assertively, they feel much better and enjoy a new level of calmness and sense of control.

I can’t promise that you’ll stop clenching your jaw or grinding your teeth by working with me, but many people do.

If you want to find out more about hypnotherapy for bruxism or therapy to improve assertiveness, please book a call with me, I’d love to hear from you.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions, and 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

The post Bruxism and the cost of keeping it zipped appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

Many people experience a dip in their energy or mood at this time of year. Some attribute this to the shorter days and winter weather, the impact of seasonal spending on their finances, or disappointments experienced over Christmas… and I don’t mean rubbish gifts. Time off over Christmas and New Year can bring home to people what they perceive is missing in their life.

It’s not always easy to find the motivation to do something new or different when you’re feeling flat.

It’s much simpler to go through the motions and wait for things to improve, but the uncomfortable truth is that if you do nothing, nothing will change.

Yes, you can live with feeling ‘meh’ and wait for Spring, but that’s not much fun, is it?

So how can you recover your enthusiasm when your va-va-voom has left the room?

A good first step is to make time for things that will bring you pleasure, comfort, or joy. Do things that will lift you, soothe you, or re-focus your attention. This could be walking in nature, rekindling an old hobby, or signing up for a class to learn something new or meet new people. Creative activities like baking, sewing, or craftwork are absorbing and will give you respite from negative thoughts.

Remembering a time when you had bags of ‘get up & go’ or felt at the top of your game can help you to recover those good feelings.

Try it now.

Close your eyes for a moment and take yourself back to a time when you felt great.

Experience it as if you’re there, looking through your own eyes, rather than watching yourself in a movie.

See what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt at that time.

Stay absorbed in that moment and enjoy the feelings that arise from it.

Notice how your mood and sense of wellbeing shifts in just a few moments.

I’m also a big fan of EFT Tapping.

It’s a very effective technique for interrupting anxious thought patterns or diminishing unhelpful beliefs. The good news is, it’s simple to learn and easy to implement and people with a wide range of issues, find it beneficial. I teach it to all my clients as it can be a brilliant self-help tool.

If you’d like to find out a bit more about the process I teach, you can watch my demonstration video in my No-nonsense Guide to Managing Anxiety.

Do you want to get your mojo back or need a reset for 2026?

Then book a free phone consultation. This is not a sales call, just an opportunity for us to have a chat and find out whether we’re a good fit.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions, and 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

The post Lost your way and looking for a reset? appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

The TV ads are on.

The shops are full of seasonal merchandise.

Festive menus are being posted.

There’s no getting away from it, Christmas is approaching.

For many it’s a time associated with love, happiness and laughter. But a fair chunk of the population dreads it, or just gets through it.

If you don’t have a family or don’t get on with them, or if you are missing someone through bereavement or a breakup, it can be a lonely or miserable time.

It may be that for the rest of the year your friends are your support network, but at Christmas they spend time with their family.

Family dynamics can be particularly tricky during the holiday period when there’s a lot of pressure to be jovial and to enjoy quality time together.

Most families experience disharmony at times, but it’s often amplified at Christmas.

Long periods indoors with people you don’t see often can be problematic. Different values, different personalities, and past misunderstandings can all increase tension over the festive period. Unresolved problems between family members can be reignited in an artificially close and confined environment.

At other times of year, intimate partners may co-exist without significant clashes.

But long periods indoors without the respite of work, social, or other activities can shine a light on strained relationships. Many divorces are instigated in the New Year when individuals or couples recognise that they no longer love or like their spouse or want something more or different.

There’s an awful lot of pressure on folk at this time of year.

Some fantasise about having the perfect Christmas and dream of being surrounded by loved ones with everyone being happy. Others long for a loving relationship with a romantic partner and feel lonely or incomplete.

Clients often say they ‘have to’ spend time with family members they can barely tolerate. Many tell me they have no choice about what they do at Christmas.

The truth is that we always have a choice, even if those choices are tricky or uncomfortable. You can choose to do something different this year and if that alternative option will result in you being less stressed, why not?

Or if you decide to do the same as usual, maybe you can choose to feel differently about it. You could say to yourself, “I choose to spend time with my family at Christmas because…” By reframing the experience as a choice, you will feel more assertive and in control.

Do you want to make changes so that 2026 will be better than 2025?

If you want to make changes so that next year will be better than this one, get in touch to arrange a chat.

I offer online and face-to-face therapy sessions, and 3-day Intensive Therapy Retreats in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.

The post Christmas joy or Christmas duty?  appeared first on Lorraine McReight.

If you don’t know my backstory (and are curious) you can learn a bit more here:

• Story Share – A blub & a brew
• Why I set up a hypnotherapy practice in Hebden Bridge

I had my rose-tinted specs on…

Quitting my ‘best of both worlds’ (or ‘back and forth’) life during lockdown, closing two businesses and relocating permanently to ‘God’s own country’ seemed like a no-brainer back in 2020.

I love the area, and I felt at peace in my Hebden Bridge home from the get-go.

Because I’d lived here part-time for a couple of years before moving here lock, stock and barrel, I thought it would be a smooth transition, which was a bit naïve.

Was it a breeze? No.

Was it a nightmare? No.

Was it the right decision? Yes.

London holds a special place in my heart, and I return several times a year for a ‘fix’, to catch up with friends, see exhibitions, etc. I love its multiculturalism and lively vibe.

But I enjoy living in the Calder Valley. Hebden Bridge is a hub of creativity, and the arts are an important part of valley life, and mine. It’s a good place to live and work. It’s also stunningly beautiful. I decided it would be lovely to welcome clients from across the UK to this wonderful part of the world and to offer them a supercharged version of what I do best!

Drum roll… Ta-da!

I’m excited to launch my 1-2-1 Intensive Therapy Retreats at Pen View in Hebden Bridge!

My 3-day solo retreats are ideal for busy professional women who want to make powerful changes but can’t squeeze regular appointments into their hectic schedule. Daily extended therapy sessions allow them to fully engage in transformative work without any distractions.

They’ll have sole use of my quaint, York-stone property in a peaceful and picturesque part of Hebden Bridge. I’ll visit for daily pre-arranged therapy appointments, then leave them to reflect on our sessions, go for a walk, explore Hebden Bridge, or simply chill out.

Fancy a half-price retreat this Autumn?

An Intensive Therapy Retreat offers the ideal solution for time-strapped women who want effective, no-nonsense therapy.

Is that you?

If you want to know more about my unique, bespoke retreats, book a free call.

I’m offering six half-price retreats this Autumn to launch Pen View Intensive Therapy Retreats, so get in touch now to see if this is a good fit for you.

The post It’s time for a new adventure! appeared first on Lorraine McReight.